“Don’t surround yourself with family or friends who act like it’s hard to love you. Surround yourself with people who motivate and push you to be better, who understand and love you and are proud of all the accomplishments you have in life. Stick with the people who pull out the magic, not the madness.”

So, it is time to find your Marigold. You may be asking yourself, “What the crap is a Marigold and where can I find one?” Well here goes! The other day I came across a story that totally transformed the way I view all the relationships in my life. It involves Marigolds and Walnut Trees. Marigolds are the people who pull out the “magic and not the madness” they are your true friends. Find them, love them and stick with them. Walnut Trees are Posers who are dangerous and suck the life out of you. Identify them and RUN FAR AWAY!

Let’s dive in a little deeper so that you can identify the people in your life.

THE MARIGOLD EFFECT:

“Many experienced gardeners follow a concept called companion planting: placing certain vegetables and plants near each other to improve growth for one or both plants. For example, rose growers plant garlic near their roses because it repels bugs and prevents fungal diseases. Among companion plants, the marigold is one of the best: It protects a wide variety of plants from pests and harmful weeds. If you plant a marigold beside most any garden vegetable, that vegetable will grow big and strong and healthy, protected and encouraged by its marigold.”

You can also view Marigolds as people. They are true friends and people who are supportive, kind, and energetic. They want to help you grow and they want you to succeed. They find joy in your happiness and always find the best in any situation. True friends are gems and you should stick with them. Find your Marigolds, even if it is just one.

BEWARE OF THE WALNUT TREES:

“As you search for your Marigolds, beware of the stinky Walnut Trees. Y’all, take note of the walnut trees. Successful gardeners avoid planting vegetables anywhere near walnut trees, which give off a toxic substance that can inhibit growth, wilt, and ultimately kill nearby vegetable plants.”

It is sad to say, but you will come in contact with way more Walnut Trees than you will Marigolds. The truth is, you may even think you have found a Marigold, but you will soon find they have turned into a Walnut Tree. They may not seem dangerous at first. In fact, some may appear to be harmless and sweet.

However, here are some signs that you should keep your distance: Their take on your life choices is negative. Their take on your family and friends is negative. THE BIGGEST SIGN OF ALL; Being around them makes you feel insecure, discouraged, overwhelmed, or embarrassed. RUN AWAY!

WALNUT TREES ARE POISON. Avoid them whenever you can. If you don’t, they will start to infect you, and soon you’ll be as miserable as they are.

Finally, be a Marigold to others. Be a place of peace, kindness and love. Always have a goal to lift others up and celebrate their accomplishments. Love them, support them and be there in time of need. Be a place of comfort for your friends. Shine Jesus!

So what does all of this mean?

I think we are all in search of finding a circle of people who lift us up, encourage, support and love us for exactly who we are. True friends/Marigolds can make life fun and enjoyable.  Sometimes it can be a struggle to find our “cup of tea.” Truth is, everyone won’t fit in your cup and it is important to find those who will fill it up. In life you will find that people will disappoint and let you down. Instead of taking offense, grow from the experience and set a higher expectations for who you allow in to your circle the next time around. Most importantly, make a promise to always treat people with the same kindness and respect you would like to receive in return, set the example.

Wouldn’t you agree that we rise by lifting others?

I love people and I always expect the best from them. Isn’t it a punch to the gut when someone close lets us down? I have learned through experience that some friends and family members are seasonal and it’s actually OKAY. If you allow bad friends or family members to consume you, then you will never win the battle. However, if you turn a bad experience or friendship into a learning opportunity, you will be surprised by how it allows you to grow.

I am a true believer than every person we meet has a purpose in our lives. Whether it be negative or positive, they have a purpose. For example, someone may come into our life seasonal just to help us through a certain point. Or maybe we come in contact with someone who has a true purpose to love us and change our life for the better. Listen to your gut and understand that everyone has a purpose in our lives. Embrace the lesson, whether it be positive or negative.

4 Types of People

Through experience, I have found there are 4 types of people you will have in life, acquaintances, seasonal, posers, and true. Everyone won’t be a Walnut Tree or a Marigold, but it’s still important to identify the difference.

Acquaintances:

We all have acquaintances and there is nothing negative about them. Acquaintances are someone you know a little about, but they’re not your best friend. They can be people you’ve just met as well as people you’ve known for a while. It isn’t necessarily the amount of time you’ve known a person that makes them an acquaintance. It’s important to understand the difference between an acquaintance and a friend. Keep your guard up and be able to identify how you categorize that person so you don’t get hurt by opening the friendship up too quickly.

Seasonal:

A seasonal friend is a person who was your best friend at one point, but just as the seasons change, so did the friendship. Sometimes with seasonal friends, they can become very fake and over-friendly towards the end.

Seasonal friends may have even held an important and meaningful role in your life at one point. Value that time and don’t disregard the positive friendship you once had. As humans, we are continuously growing and changing to adapt to our surroundings. Life changes, our values and morals change, and sometimes people who use to fit into our puzzle, no longer have a piece that works. IT’S OKAY…it’s life. We all don’t take the same paths in life and sometimes we just grow apart. Just because a friendship dissolved doesn’t mean that it wasn’t important. In fact, those friendships helped shape who you are today. Cherish it and be grateful for that time in your life!

I have had many seasonal friends and I truly treasured our friendships and appreciate the lessons along the way. I knew the end was near when the once positive friendships became forced and stagnant. The friendships no longer served a purpose in my life or in my friends life. So just as the seasons do, I continued to grow and change, and moved on. Of course I hold love in my heart for them, but we are just in different places in life.

The seasonal friends I have had in my life were meant to cross my path. They had a purpose. They helped shaped the woman I am today and I am grateful for that specific time in my life. My seasonal friends absolutely brought value to my life and I won’t forget them. However, as I get older I refuse to make a friendship work based on guilt. If it doesn’t work, I just don’t force it.

Posers/Walnut Trees:

Oh goodness, where do I even begin. Posers are different than seasonal friends. The truth is, posers are/were never in your life for a true friendship. They are there to suck all the happiness out of you. Posers are literally the Walnut Trees in all senses of the name. They will come off kind and gracious in the beginning, but they will slowly begin to suck the life out of you. They are poisonous, dangerous and truly miserable. Their ultimate goal is for you to be as miserable as they are. Keep your guard up and make sure you identify a poser QUICK.

Although I have come in contact with a ton of posers in my 33 years, the scariest part is some of them were/are family members. They are super sweet and kind to your face, but as soon as you turn your back, they are stabbing you with a BIG steak knife. They hate to see you succeed. They hate to see you happy. They hate to see you smile. They hate anything that makes you better than they are. Posers are always below you and that’s where they should stay.

Recently, I had a couple of family members make fun of my platform and my decision to stop teaching and go full-time blogging. Of course, they were super sweet and kind to my face, but as soon as I turned my back they were laughing and making fun of me. It’s really so very sad to think about. They would degrade and cut me apart for really no reason at all.

Truth is, sometimes people are lazy and don’t want to better themselves so to make their situation better, they cut down others who are successful to make themselves feel better. Since they can’t get on your level, they want you to fall a few notches to get on their level. Moral of the story, family members can be posers too.

Posers will push and push to get you to lose your temper because they love to see you get on their level. Even though I am guilty of losing my cool far too many times, I have found that I have learned something new about myself each time I have blown up. I have a BIG temper and can lose it fast, but am learning that it really doesn’t help the situation. The best way to handle a posers is to smile and walk away. Don’t give them the fight they want. Give them nothing because they are not worth your time.

Posers are miserable and they want you to be on the same level they are. Sometimes if people can’t change who they are, they want you to change so you can become like them. RISE, and stay off their level. Distance yourself. Whether it’s a family member or friend, distance yourself. Guard your heart and know that you are absolutely above them.

Although it can be hard, don’t take offense to their actions. Posers are not happy with themselves, so therefore they can never be happy for anyone else. Pray for them and move on. Give them a “Bye Felecia” in a southern accent as you are walking out the door. 🙂

True Friends/Marigolds:

A true friend is someone who has your back no matter what. True friends keep their promises, and makes you want to keep yours, too. A true friend is someone who neither leads nor follows, but walks with you. They are slow to judge and quick to love. You’ll know when you find them. Keep them. Cherish them. Love them. Even if it is just one.

I get chills when I think about the Marigolds in my life. These people are my homies, my true friends who dig my vibe. They get me and they love me even with all of my flaws. I can laugh with them and feel completely safe with my heart when I am around them. Although I don’t feel like I have a ton of true friends, I feel blessed for the ones I have.

My Marigolds continue to help me grow on a daily basis and I am so grateful God has placed them in my life. As I reflect, I am lucky enough to have my husband as one of my Marigolds. He is truly a blessing and makes me want to be better and do better. He has never turned his back on me and I can totally trust him with my heart.

Identify your Marigolds and make sure to let them know how you feel about them. Always encourage them by telling them how much you appreciate and care about them. They are rare and once you find yours, it is important to grow the friendship in a healthy and loving way.

Conclusion:

In life you will come in contact with many types of people. It is so important to understand the purpose and role people have in our lives. Life is too short to guilt yourself into making a friendship or situation work that serves no real importance to your heart or life. Stop forcing things you have outgrown. Identify who is your Marigold and stick with them. Identify your Walnut Trees and distance yourself. True friends are so incredibly hard to find. Be sure to respect the friendship and not take it for granted.

However, remember that everyone we come in contact with has a purpose in our lives. Their purpose may be to help us grow, or they may cross our path just to drop a little reminder of how not to act. Keep your heart guarded and choose wisely. Find the people in your life who pull out the magic and not the madness. Stick with your Marigolds, even if it’s just one.

Like this post? Be sure to check out my other favorites below

• Becoming Whole
• It’s Okay to Not be Okay

The Marigold Effect came from here